whether the weather, whatever the weather

after shivering non stop for a good 6 hours (ie all of last night) i finally got my ass down to argos and bought myself an argos value heater this morning...it's not quite equatorial in my room just yet but at least it is now officially bearable...i guess that calls for a smiley face :)

rant part two

ok. there's a fine line between having friends over and running a bleeping charity hostel. aforementioned housemate, although sufficiently amiable and nice (but blatantly lacking in initiative - i.e. if the garbage bin is always filling up and then being cleared and taken out, and you've only been contributing to the garbage and not actually doing anything about it, chances are it wasn't the house elves who fucking emptied it, it was your housemates, who are not your housemaids, so if fucking Empty It), has been having friends over a lot. and when i say 'a lot', i mean A LOT.

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first 2 weeks, he has this female friend over. right after she leaves, another girl shows up and stays for another like 2 nights, followed by another girl for another 2 nights. he sounds somewhat genuinely apologetic when he says (and i paraphrase) 'oh i can't believe it either so many friends visiting london one after the other such a coincidence'. and i almost genuinely believe when for the next few nights there is a semblance of normality. then what do you know, you come home one day and look what the cat dragged in, Again. i've actually lost count now, but the most recent tally - 3 nights ago for 2 nights he had a guy and a girl friend over (and one of them used my shampoo/facewash, fucking hope they get lice/breakout). when the guy leaves another girl comes for another night. and now another guy has shown up. and possibly another girl just walked in, i'm losing count.

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seriously, when the bills come, i'm not going to be a happy bunny. and frankly, i'm too broke to be afraid of coming across as the calculative bitch. it's not really even the bills, it's the noise pollution, and the overwhelming of our poor bathroom (which has really bad ventilation so a lot of water collects on the ceiling which drips/gets mouldy/is just really gross in general) which doesn't get much of a break. it's also the fact that the bathtub is getting clogged faster than it should, the bin is filling up faster than in should, the kitchen towels and toilet paper are disappearing faster than they should, and on top of it all, aforementioned housemate does Absolutely FuckAll when it comes to solving any household problems (e.g. taking out the rubbish or purchasing supplies) apart from exacerbating them.

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i know i sound like a nightmare to live with but really i'm not that bad, i just HATE inconsiderate people and it kindof sucks to be living with one of them UGHHH whyyyyy.

rant

ok so i get really annoyed at small things - fact - but i genuinely can't help it sometimes.

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yesterday liz and i went to get sushi at oxford st and then we went to Soho square to sit down and have our food, and it happened that Lipton was having some promotion for their iced lemon and peach teas and giving them out for free, so we both got a couple of bottles each and thinking i'd save mine for later, i decided to bring them home. so my bag was REALLY heavy cuz i had my umbrella+wallet+coinpouch+A4 notebook+500ml bottle of mineral water+500ml of lipton iced lemon tea+500ml bottle of lipton iced peach tea...and after lunch we went shopping so i spent the next 5h on my feet in a crowded oxford st+tube literally LUGGING my bag (it has a single strap so it got too heavy for my shoulder so i had to carry it in my hand) but i thought ok nevermind, i'm getting 2 free bottles of drink so i'll bear with it. and when i got home i put my drinks in the fridge to chill them.

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fast forward to morning today when i go to the fridge to get my smoothie, and my two 500ml iced teas are GONE. nada. zilch. nothing. ok no big deal right, since they were free of charge anyway - NOT. i friggin suffered carrying them round all day so i could enjoy them later (not entirely exaggerating, my bag was really really uber heavy and i was really really tired because of it), not to have them stolen by my stupid housemate. or his stupid friends. who got home at like 6am. ok until now i haven't complained about his having a friend or two or three over literally EVERYDAY since moving in (ie like 2 weeks) and blasting music and not bothering ONE BIT about the house (to be fair eugene sorted most stuff out but i did at least go help buy the pots&pans handsoap etc) and now the friend he has over is this indian girl with a damn strong indian accent who seems to love nothing better than to walk around the house talking damn loudly on her damn phone not realising that maybe she's the only damn person who likes the sound of her voice. oh but all that's not as bad as nicking people's stuff in the fridge. Shit the more i think about it the more pissed off i get.

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and it's not like i can confront him. cuz let's face it, it's JUST iced tea. which i know. but still! i spent a Fuck lot of effort getting that iced tea home, i don't appreciate having it nicked in my own fucking house. and if i were to say anything to him i can't exactly be nasty about it right. cuz it is a bit harsh to have a go at someone over iced tea. even if it's 2 fucking bottles. even if i busted my fucking ass bringing them home (cuz they were free heh i know, so aunty, but what to do i'm a poor student). So UGHHHHHHHH. Rant. if you're going to take sth that's not yours (eg if you're damn thirsty and it's 6am and all the shops are closed and you're too good for tap water so you decide to steal other people's stuff) AT LEAST leave a fucking 'i'm SO sorry but thank you so much' note. or replace it ASAP. or at least not nick both bottles.

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and i could REALLY use a nice bottle of chilled iced tea right now. i'm so pissed off. over what is technically a small thing. but if you think about it it's really not. ok so i over-think things. but my mind won't shut up :( and neither will my housemate's stupid friend, who has been pacing up and down yakking away to her (poor, poor) friend (who has to tolerate her noise, i mean, voice) the whole fucking time since before i started writing this.

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UPDATE: my housemate just came with 2 bottles of iced tea to return for those he took, so i feel kindof bad about getting mad...but i mean he should have left a note saying he took the damn things right...rarrr...at least he bought replacements though...but said shrill-voiced girl is still around, dangs...is it very bad to get disproportionately annoyed by the seemingly littlest things? :/ actually it's not that it's the little things, i think it's just inconsideration that pisses me off big time..i think.. heh

recapping

really rapid recapping -

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yuchian and i watched the ndp preview, tagging along with the public affairs team, which was quite fun cuz we got to be at the media gallery so it was right up close to the action...i actually felt patriotic for once, for all of about 2hours until i had to walk to raffles place mrt to return and then i felt really tired and a little conned :/

adele and her friends catrin (pictured here) and michelle (not pictured here) came to singapore...and got their laundry stolen :/ i think they found the number of food places here quite remarkable..and were quite amused/impressed by ladies night at clarke quay where you literally just get free drinks for being female heh
international ball happened in spite of fairly dismal ticket sales...i think we managed to piece together like 6 tables at the last minute...the isa elections were a bigger fiasco than the ball (bah.) and significantly reinforced my determination to go someplace else for uni :/

maxed out my last few weeks at york, my last tru, my last ziggys, my last gallery :( a bit of drama, a bit of alcohol, a lot of fun :) doubt i'm gonna go out much in london considering costs and company etc so i figured i'd just enjoy myself while i could

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and of course, i graduated :) it was a bit anticlimatic and a bit surreal, can't believe it's been 3 whole years - so much to remember and so much to miss :/

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interning at public affairs (paff) now, yuchian just ended work on friday so i've got 3 more weeks as the only intern in the office :( going to kings in a month, i have no idea what to expect :/ can't believe it's my last year abroad either bleahh...A comes to singapore next weekend so at least i have something to sortof look forward to, there had better not be another typoon in hk this time :(

revisiting

almost forgot about these poems by carol ann duffy but had a random sudden urge to read them
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Words, wide night
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Somewhere on the other side of this wide night
and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.
The room is turning slowly away from the moon.
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This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say
it is sad? In one of the tenses I singing
an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.
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La lala la. See? I close my eyes and imagine the dark hills I would have to cross
to reach you. For I am in love with you
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and this is what it is like or what it is like in words.
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Miles away
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I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.
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Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.

update: i hate elections even more now that they're over and there is this whole fiasco shizz hanging over our heads...i guess in some ways it really IS time to leave york :/

i hate elections, i hate people claiming credit for other people's work on their cv, i hate election politics and behaviour, and now i kindof really hate the number 20.

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sometimes apathy is really the way to go...maybe singaporeans really had it right all along...bleurgh

rocks and hard places

i seem to be keep putting off confirming my (conditional) place at kings, i suppose when you're so settled into a place, although it has its ups and downs, it's really hard to leave it all (especially to start all over again)...but at the same time A made a really good point, is it just nostalgia? you can't really live your life based on nostalgia can you...i guess there's always a time to move on, make changes, move out of your comfort zone - but is the time now? :/

Omg omg i'm done with my degree! *does a little jig*

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ok actually it's kindof anticlimatic..and scary (cuz it means im old/i have to start work soon/and most importantly i have absolutely no idea what my grades are going to be like and it's er, like really, really important - ie not like PSLE/O levels where ultimately your future employers aren't going to be like 'wth you didn't take higher chinese in primary school, i'm not going to give you a promotion' OR 'oh look, you got C6 for chemistry, i'm afraid you'll be put in a lower salary bracket')

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and then there's the question of masters...am currently leaning towards kings (probably also because soas is being slow and york is being even worst having somehow lost my references)...maybe if i mentally focus enough on the number 65 it will miraculously occur to my markers that maybe they should be kind and lenient with their marking cuz it could really screw someone's life up :(:( eek

number crunching

6 - weeks before the end of 3 years as an undergrad at york...3 - days to the completion of my degree...5000 - words to write about the films of Antonioni before i can finish aforementioned degree...99.9% - probability of 0 hours of sleep in order to reach aforementioned word limit...65 - overall mark i must achieve if i want to accept my conditional offer to Kings for an MA...2 - copies of my reference my tutor has sent to the york graduate admissions office for my MA application, 0 - number of copies of my reference the graduate admissions office has actually received. :(

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currently too busy pondering the meaning of Antonioni to even think about whether i want to study in london or stay in york...don't even know if i can make the 65 at the rate my analysis of post-war italian cinema is going :/